I'm Tired

I've spent a lot of the past 2 weeks freaking out about the half marathon and as if to subconsciously get it out of my mind I've gone off and substituted tennis for running. Real genius huh? So essentially the half mary's in less than 48 hours time and I am completely unprepared. I have been doing a lot of thinking about training if that amounts to anything, but actually getting my act together and going out and running has not materialised so much. I did, however manage to squeeze in a run yesterday night...and it was torture....and that run wasn't even 21k! It was just half of that and I felt like lying down and dying when I was done.

Lately I just feel unsettled. I'm all over the place and I've no idea why. I think I just need a couple of 'me days'. I know it sounds lame, but all the thinking about running constantly takes a toll on you. Especially since I just spend half the time feeling guilty because my flesh often times trumps my spirit and my flesh is very very weak. I keep making plans and then not following through on them and if my running training is an indication on how things are in my life (and trust me, it's a pretty good indication), it just shows how bleak things are. Things just seem to be happening with me being completely taken unaware and I just don't feel like I have any control over my life anymore!

I think what I really really need is just one day for me. Just to hang out by myself with a good book and cheeky glass of vino and not have any plans to meet anyone or do anything. I'm just mentally and emotionally weary now and having one day to myself to gather all my thoughts and plans seems like a beautiful beautiful idea. I'm planning to do that very very soon. Maybe after this Sunday's half marathon and the wedding I've to go for after.